How Not to Say I Love You
by Sylindara
Summary: The story of two boys and four years told through New Year's postcards. Written for the challenge Postcards on basketballpoetsociety Tumblr.
1. Writing on Leaves

Author Notes: Japan has a long tradition of sending New Year's postcards; they are very structured, hence why the same phrases pop up over and over again. I'm sorry I couldn't make them sound less weird in English. The title for the first chapter is kind of a literal translation for the Japanese word for 'postcard'.

* * *

**First Year of Middle School **

_20XX-01-01_

Midorima and Family,

Happy New Year. Best regards for the coming year.

Akashi Seijuurou

_20XX-01-02_

Akashi,

Happy New Year. Thank you very much for the New Year's greeting.

I will have you know that OhaAsa's yearly ranking puts Sagittarius in eighth place. Please be careful of your surroundings.

Best regards for the coming year.

Midorima Shintarou

_20XX-01-03_

Midorima,

Thank you for the warning. I hope OhaAsa is merciful to you this year. Let us do our best at the basketball club this year too.

Akashi Seijuurou

* * *

**Second Year of Middle School**

_20XX-01-01_

Midorima and Family,

Happy New Year. Best regards for the coming year.

You have my full appreciation for your support this past year.

Akashi Seijuurou

_20XX-01-02_

Akashi,

Happy New Year. Thank you for the New Year's greetings.

I have merely done all that was humanly possible. That is all. As your vice-captain, please feel free to rely on me at any time.

Best regards for the coming year.

Midorima Shintarou

_20XX-01-03_

Shintarou,

All you need to be concerned with is winning.

Akashi Seijuurou

* * *

**Third Year of Middle School**

_20XX-01-01_

Midorima and Family,

Happy New Year. Best regards for the coming year.

You have my full appreciation for your support this past year.

Akashi Seijuurou

_20XX-01-02_

Akashi,

Happy New Year. Thank you for the New Year's greetings.

I hear you are enrolling at Rakuzan next year. I suppose I shall see you at InterHigh.

Best regards for the coming year.

Midorima Shintarou

* * *

**First Year of High School**

_20XX-01-01_

Midorima and Family,

Happy New Year. Best regards for the coming year.

Akashi Seijuurou

_20XX-01-02_

Akashi,

Happy New Year. Thank you for the New Year's greetings.

It has been a long time. I note the return address is for Kyoto. Are you at Rakuzan for the New Year? In that case I shall address this postcard to your dorm address.

Sagittarius' ranking is fifth this year. Please be aware of your surroundings. I believe I shall see you at Kuroko's birthday party. This time, I will be the one to defeat you.

Best regards for the coming year.

Midorima Shintarou

_20XX-01-10_

Midorima,

It has been a long time, hasn't it? Yes, I am at Rakuzan dorms right now.

Thank you for the concern.

I shall see you there. I look forward to playing basketball with you again.

Akashi

_20XX-01-12_

Akashi,

I was told that you were in Tokyo during the New Year? Why was the return address for Rakuzan?

I look forward to it too.

Midorima

_20XX-01-20_

Midorima,

It's nothing for you to worry about. I apologise for not being able to return your calls or mails.

Don't worry; I will definitely make it to Kuroko's birthday.

Akashi

_20XX-01-22_

Akashi,

Very well. Please sort out your communication problem soon.

Midorima

_20XX-02-01_

Midorima,

Thank you for your words at the party.

The moon was beautiful, wasn't it?

Akashi

_20XX-02-03_

Akashi,

It's nothing to be thankful for.

The moon is still beautiful.

Now answer my calls.

Midorima


	2. Epilogue

Author Notes: 'The moon is beautiful' also means 'I love you', it is from a famous Japanese urban legend about how Japanese people are supposedly more roundabout in expressing their love. The 'I would die for you' is from a different story about translating 'I love you too' into Japanese. These two phrases comes in a set a lot. I have wanted to do a MidoAka version for forever.

* * *

Soft moonlight slipped through the crack in the curtains, shining down on Midorima's hunched back as he huddled over his desk. The surface was ostensibly covered with studying materials as Midorima made his preparations for the year-end tests, but his attention was not on the maths equations spread out in front of him.

It had been two days since he sent Akashi that postcard; the one that Takao had laughingly called 'the pinnacle of his tsundere-ness' when he had caught Midorima, in a moment of weakness, scribbling it down during a break in class because he had spent too long thinking of what to write the night before. Even Midorima had to admit that the contents of his postcard did not match his tone. But he did not know how to relate to Akashi anymore – if he ever did. The only consolation was that Akashi wasn't much better with his mixed signals. Which was why Midorima was sitting here, ignoring his studies and waiting for Akashi to call. Hoping that Akashi would call.

Two days was more than long enough for Akashi to receive the postcard. More than long enough for Akashi to call if he wished to. The fact that he hadn't could only mean-

Safely tucked away in pocket of the cardigan hanging on the back of his chair – so that Midorima at least had the illusion that he was ignoring it, his mobile phone rang with the nostalgic sound of one of Beethoven's sonatas. Even through the tinny, substandard quality of the phone speakers, Midorima could hear the awkwardness in the harmonisation between the piano and the violin. Places where he had almost paused because he wasn't sure if Akashi had picked up his cues. Places where Akashi had done the same. It had been their first duet together, when Midorima had learned that Akashi could play the violin and Akashi had learned that Midorima could play the piano.

Midorima let the piece play on for a little longer, picking out the parts where the two of them had been in perfect harmony. Very little of the piece achieved that, and they never did manage to harmonise for an entire piece, no matter how many duets they had performed. Perhaps they were never capable of it in the first place.

"Akashi," Midorima said with only a fraction of his usual conviction. In the resulting pause, he could hear the soft breathing that proved Akashi was on the other end.

"Midorima," Akashi breathed, so faintly that Midorima pressed futilely on the volume button on his phone even though he knew that it was already on the highest setting. "I received your postcard."

"Yes," Midorima replied, not sure of what to say in return.

"I'm sorry I haven't been answering your calls."

"You should be," Midorima couldn't help but say. He felt bad that he didn't regret it.

"Midorima," Akashi said again, helplessly, unlike himself. "I will be in Tokyo for winter break. Would you like to meet up?"

Midorima could feel his words stick in his throat. There were so many things he wanted to say. Nothing would come out.

"I'm sorry for the sudden invitation," Akashi said awkwardly into the silence. "I didn't mean- If you don't want to-"

"What do _you_ want," Midorima said, cutting Akashi off in the middle and not caring.

More soft breathing, and then, "I want to see you. I want to be with you. Midorima, I like you."

Midorima sighed. "I want to see you too." He gave an awkward cough. "I'm also glad to hear a proper reply from you."

"My postcard was a very proper reply," Akashi said crossly. Midorima could hear him pout down the line. "Not that you gave the proper response to that."

"You mean, 'I would even die for you'?" Midorima scoffed. "I have no wish to die for you; I would rather live for you."

Akashi's laughter trickled through the speaker. It had been a long time since Midorima heard him laugh. "You are ruining the romance, Midorima. But it is very like you."

"There is no romance in dying," Midorima proclaimed. "I do all that is humanely possible. That is what I offer you."

"You always do," Akashi said softly. "Thank you. I don't think I've ever thanked you for that."

"You have no reason to thank me." Midorima couldn't keep the bitterness from his voice. "I failed."

"But you didn't give up," Akashi said. "Thank you."

"In that case, I accept your gratitude." Midorima turned to the small clock on his desk. It was midnight. "Train hard, Akashi, next time I will be the one to defeat you."

"I look forward to it." Akashi paused, then said in a rush, "I would die for you, Midorima."

"I know. That is because you are a fool," Midorima said grimly. "But so am I."


End file.
